I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
