The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize
