I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
