So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
