worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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