I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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