I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I want her autograph on my taint
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
