I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize