i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
