I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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