Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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