so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize