I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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