4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
