Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
