There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
