my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
