there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
