I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
