i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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