Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
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