Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
