I didn't shave. On purpose
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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