haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
