my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize