I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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