dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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