I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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