I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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