Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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