Apparently you make a good broom.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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