just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
