my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
