is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize