OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
