You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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