That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
My hand turned me down
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
