mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
And then my night got REAL pukey
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
