My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
