Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize