You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
