I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
