Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
