Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
