I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
