he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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