Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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