How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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