She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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