I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize