Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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