Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize