Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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