nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
