You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize