They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
