gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
