He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
