you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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