Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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