I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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