That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
