I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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