she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
