everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
so much tequila, so little girl.
Randomize
