Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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